Murder on Anonomy Part One

Murder on Anonomy

It’s blinking at you again. You didn’t switch it off after all, did you. Just one twitch of the mouse, and up comes the screen. Warm, inviting colours, user-friendly lay out . . . what’s not to like about it ? Irresistibly drawn, you approach warily, however. Things have been hotting up recently, and you’re not quite sure how to respond. The website has been taking over your life, after all. Family and friends (or the nearest equivalent) have faded rather with time, because you have only time for the new friends you’ve made online. No time to feel guilty about this though, as you are continuously peeking at the ratings of your own profile and book . . . just to make sure they haven’t slipped . . . only they have, there’s that nasty red arrow popping up again. And you know who’s behind it. Time for plan of action . . .

It all started while googling for publishers. This link came up for a new website for writers, promising the reward of publication for those prepared to read, evaluate and back books . . .endlessly.

Click.

Congratulations ! You have now uploaded your book to Anonomy.com !  Don’t forget, your ranking will improve the more active you are on the site : reviewing, backing – and of course, promoting your own work on the forums . . .

Of course, what Anonomy neglected to mention was all the obsessing, addiction, neurosis and general irritation at the behaviour of other members.

Not to mention the comments. Usually by those engaged in the extreme promotion of their own work.

Comment : I cannot back this, in all fairness. It requires too much work.

Comment : I cannot back this, in all fairness. It requires too much work.

Comment : Is it the end of the world ? Is there one man, and one alone, who can save it ? Read my book and see ! (Return of the Lurgi)

Comment : Huh ?

Comment : I like this. A lot. Now please back mine.

Comment : Hi, I am Reckless Gee, I love your book and have put it on my shelf. Backing a book pushes it up the ranks. The longer you keep it there, the more points it gains. I would like it so much if you backed my five books.

Comment : Don’t take any notice of Reckless Gee. He’s totally off his head. Instead, when you have time, would you have a peek at mine ? Horses for courses. BTW, I shelved yours.

By the end of week one, you have risen by one place, and all the others around you are shooting up the ranks. Mmmmmmm. . . strategy, strategy, strategy . . . A bit of their own medicine is required, perhaps . . .

My Blog :

Hello World ! (You can edit this later on)

Well, day 9 online and already the casualties are coming in thick and fast.

Comment number 4 ‘Dear Bloggs, your work stinks, I wouldn’t back this if it were the last book on earth. Oh, and you spelled antiestablishment all rong.’

Comment number 6 ‘Dear Bloggs, your work stinks, I wouldn’t back this if it were the last book on earth. Oh, and you spelled antiestablishment all rong.’

Comment number 8 ‘Dear Bloggs, your work stinks, I wouldn’t back this if it were the last book on earth. Oh, and you spelled antiestablishment all rong.’

And so on.  About 20 so far today, and another 20 planned after tea. Now they’ve brought in star ratings, I have been busy there as well. And another number one. And one. And one again. Trouble is, you have to be crafty, cause if you do that unremittingly, admin will even them all out, and ratchet them up a bit. SO, the thing is to vary them ever so slightly. Two stars. And one star. And two stars. And one star. Quite a pretty pattern actually.

Same goes for the comments.

Comment number 3 ‘Dear Bloggs, while this shows promise, you have yet to grasp the basic tools of narrative.’

Comment number 5 ‘Dear Bloggs, while this shows promise, you have yet to grasp the basic tools of narrative.’

Comment number 7 ‘Dear Bloggs, while this shows promise, you have yet to grasp the basic tools of narrative.’

There, that should do it, methinks.

‘You have one new message in your inbox.’

Click.

‘To : Vicious Pig:

I think you should remove your comment from my book post, as it is neither constructive nor helpful nor civil nor remotely funny nor is it helpful. Or Constructive. In fact, it is plain mean, and can only be because you are trying to reach the top 5 on the Desk by the end of the month.

P.S. I have looked at your book and can honestly say I wouldn’t buy it if it was the last book in the last bookstore in the world. I am off to tell Mummy now.’

‘New mail in your Inbox’

‘Message from Anonomy :

This is to inform you that your comment has been reported as ‘off-topic’ and removed as such.’

My Blog :

Hello World ! (You can edit this later on)

Day 4 :

Well, after 24 hours of incessant plugging and character assassination, I have received my first real death threat – virtually, anyway. Quite interesting language, too.

My next plan of action : open some threads on the forum. Idle chitchat, shameless plugging and a few threads on how nobody knows who to write. Which is why essentially my work should be shooting to the top.

Oh, and make some friends online. Quickly. They could come in handy.

Networking – it’s the name of the game. Move over Brucie. I’m on my way. And I don’t need to tap-dance either.

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Published on November 22, 2010 at 1:39 pm  Leave a Comment  

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